Just had to write this to get it out of my head
by Decipher Philosophy
Summary: About fanfics taken too serious, evil deadpool doppelganger, and an alternate universe female Bob would be interesting to see.


A/N: I never planned on writing another Deadpool fic (The last time was an experiment), but I just needed to write this small plot to get it out of my head.

._._._.

After one explosion after another, it seemed to never end. And that's the great thing. There's always a thrill for Deadpool who'll do whatever he liked whenever he liked because honestly, who can stop him? He's practically invincible. He can't die, he's a fuckin' genius even when people can't ever see it, he has a hot, powerful wife, a beautiful daughter, friends, and everything else a psycho could want.

A lot can go wrong when it has him involved, but Deadpool isn't someone who anyone wants to mess with. Everyone knows that.

Except for one person: Himself.

No, not him himself. I mean his evil twin. You know. That guy from the second volume of the Deadpool series. He was created by that crazy insane asylum doctor...Whitney was her name I think. Anyway, she collected chopped up pieces of Deadpool, and when all of them was chucked in a garbage by the beloved Merc with the mouth, the far more evil version of Deadpool came to life!

Insane, right?! And a lot of shit went down, and the guy was supposed to be dead after being shot by the cure, but the weird thing was that the cure was only temporary, so the evil guy came back, and we never hear of him again after the end of the volume 2 series.

Now that #&$*^% is back in this deluded fanfiction just to ease the sick mindedness of a unemployed writer who doesn't really like Deadpool. She just likes Bob.

Wait, so why is she writing this?

Meh. Shrugs. Ignoring responsibilities, urges, pretty much the basic reasons. Apparently she had this idea since she actually read the comics a bit.

Wait, she actually read them.

Yeah, but this fic's gonna be pretty OOC since everyone has a different perception of a character or the writer just wants to write a plot regardless of who she or he uses. Honestly, people take fanfictions way too seriously. It was supposed to be a fun reliever, but people make shit words like Mary Sue or flames as if fanfiction is supposed to be a true art of literature. People are expecting way too much from a story that just wants something long or thick put inside a hole.

Or when they just want some fluff to cool down what went on this year.

Yeah...We should probably get back to the fanfic.

Yeah, we should.

So yeah, Deadpool's evil twin is back, and he's blowing shit all over the place, and he has this clever plan that even Deadpool, like before, couldn't quite understand or catch up to.

First it starts with blowing up the school that Ellie went to by taking down one of SHIELD's planes. Then it went on to a murder spree on Shiklah's people. He then caused some other shitty things, but he never actually harmed any of Deadpool's loved ones and friends directly.

"What the hell is he planning?!" Deadpool frustratingly questioned to the heavens, and his split voices tried making up answers, but they just simply didn't know. Was the guy really just fucking with him. He already did that whole 'see your true reflection' bullshit, so what was this?

It can't just be fucking with him. Something about this guy just rubbed Wade the wrong way, and he didn't like being rubbed that way. It's like there was a great finale to this.

The shield trespassing, school blowing up, and massacre were all distractions. But from what?

What was his evil twin planning?

Then suddenly it hit him. No. Literally it hit him. A box of macaroni hit him in the head because a guy accidentally chucked it out of a window while arguing with his roommate, and then the truth hit Deadpool inside the head!

He then faced his evil twin to reveal his evil plan at the inside of a chimichanga kitchen after an array of strange and bloody events that may lead to an all out war happening.

"So you discovered my plan." The evil twin said with a tone filled with playful sarcasm and arms crossed.

"OOOH! You bet I did! Consider yourself Mr. Carswell because I'm about to go all Velma Dinkley on your ass! It took me awhile to figure it out, but I-"

"You have no idea do you. I'd love to hear whatever you have to say that was true to a point, but let's cut to the chase because you took a bit longer than I expected, and I may have gotten carried away with my bird while we were playing." The misshapen mistake opened the oven in the kitchen, and pulled out what looked like a burnt victim laying and huddled on its side, but it was really just a guy whose been pummeled all black and blue with small cuts and gashes all over his body. The red and yellow deadpool looked like he was grinning under his mask at the work he made.

Deadpool was still lost. "Who's he?"

That question made the abomination howl with laughter. He stopped himself in order to explain. "There is a reason why I did all the shit I did and it was to grab your attention and not grab it. And also everyone else's for that matter."

"I'm not following." Deadpool scratched his head, trying to understand why some nobody was important to this.

"Of course you wouldn't because your attention has been everywhere else, but here. You were so worried about the people you truly love out in the open, and everyone else saw that. Hell, they even helped you. But that's where it's funny. Oh, you want to hear this. But first let's wakey the little bird. Let's see if he'll go caw! Caw! Like I told him before. I recorded it! Wanna see while I wake him." The guy turned on the tv that was hooked up at the corner of the kitchen. It just showed a naked, wet guy on his hands and knees with a kid's meal paper bag that had the cartoony face of a dog over his head. While it played, evil deadpool took out a needle and injected whatever it was inside into the stranger. The blackened victim woke up with a gasp, but his excitement died down quickly.

In the video that took place in somewhere dark and bleak, it was obvious that the deranged psychopath was behind the camera.

 _"Now, do as practice. Caw for me."_

 _"C-c-caaaaw..."_ the man stuttered and whimpered with a pathetic, high-pitched voice. It sounded oddly familiar, but deadpool refused to believe it instantly.

 _ **ZAP!**_

 _"CAW! CAW!"_ Cried out the man in a high-pitched squeal as if he was transforming into a bird.

 _"Good. Good. Here's your food."_ A dog bowl filled with whatever could possibly be inside was slid over to the man, and he ate like an animal who hadn't been fed for months. _"And here's your daily news from your friend, Deadpool."_ Then a recording of deadpool promising to protect his family and friends was playing in the background. _"You know, he would've noticed by now if I made him even suggest using you, but then, that'd be no fun. I mean, if you two were pals...heh, well..."_

Wade withdrew his gun as he watched the monster pick the body up to his feet and placed him on his knees on the ground.

 _"He would've probably thought of you. But then again, he probably was. Who was it that he always knew he could depend on when he needs to hitch a ride, act as bait, punish yet not kill when betrayed, entrusted the serum of his death to, and was even persuaded into not going through with that pointless plan. But most of all,"_ He leaned down to whisper in his ear loudly enough for the camera to hear, _"shared a TGI Friday's burger with in Jacksonville."_

The psychopath in the recording reached his hand out off-screen, and pulled it back with a bat in hand. _"Lucille's hungry!"_ The paper bag was knocked off to reveal Bob's beaten yet far more recognizable face.

The Bob who was here in the now had his eyes as opened as he could make them, but his eyes weren't focused on Wade. The mercanry wasn't even sure if Bob knew what was going on anymore.

The doppelganger enjoyed the tension that built in the room. He gleefully said, "I-"

 _ **SHOT!**_

 _ **SHOT!**_

Wade pulled the trigger first, but the bullet that went through his evil doppelganger broke a transparent string which triggered a knife to be swung like a boomerang that passed through Bob. Then a gun behind Wade was triggered to go off, to shoot the worn down Hydra agent right into the brain, so the force would push Bob's sliced head off.

Blood splattered across the room, and became a puddle beneath the paling corpse.

"OH WOW! YOU ACTUALLY DIDN'T NOTICE THE BOOBY TRAP! Not surprised since it was so out of character for both of us! W-"

 _ **STAB!**_

 ** _"HAAAAAAH!"_**

 ** _STAB! STAB! STAB!_** ** _STAB! STAB! STAB!_** ** _STAB! STAB! STAB!_** ** _STAB! STAB! STAB!_** ** _STAB! STAB! STAB!_**

 ** _"HE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS! HE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS, YOU $ &#%%#%#%#%^&^#&^$#! I'M GONNA MAKE YUR LIFE A FUCKIN' HELL! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"_**

"WADE!" Preston marched into the scene just as Wade was digging his fingers into his evil doppelganger's face, so he could no longer speak or see or be him anymore! It took every single SHIELD agent present at the event to pull the madman away, and take control of the scene. They had Bob's body be sent to the pathologists to do their autopsy, while everyone who was involved in the decision of what to do with Deadpool's evil doppelganger came to an unanimous agreement that this person shouldn't be left alive. Because he was practically immortal, they dropped the scraps of the body into a container of acid and sealed it away somewhere where no one will ever think to find him, or make it easy for him to return if he were to somehow break free.

After Bob's autopsy, it was confirmed that it was him. His bruises, scraped knees, dried skin, extensive internal damage, and scars showed evidence that he had been kidnapped and tortured for months before his death. The recording that was left at the scene already proved that.

His funeral took place a few weeks later since there was still an ongoing investigation of whether the evil doppelganger left any last evil plans before his death. They didn't find any, so they concluded what Wade was told. This was all about making Wade watch Bob die in front of him because of him to the very end.

This confused everyone because they never really saw their relationship as being all that close or even all that good. They were...friends(?) in a strange way, but if the evil doppelganger really wanted to make an impact, killing Shiklah or his daughter or anyone else who Deadpool actually loved would've done it. Not that they didn't want that to happen, but choosing Bob out of everyone seemed like a bizarre and wrong choice.

At Bob's funeral, his wife and kids, Weasel, Blind Al, Squirrel Girl, and a few others arrived at his funeral. Due to his gruesome appearance, his casket was kept closed. It was a very peaceful, solemn event as the crowd shared their memories and thoughts of Bob. None of them wanted to make a ruckus for such a event, and they were glad that the person they deemed responsible was not present. However, Weasel couldn't hold in his anger because he believed that this funeral shouldn't be happening. He knew a funeral would happen eventually, but not like this! It felt so out of place no matter how he looked at it! Maybe a simple bullet to the head or an accidental crack of the neck would've made the funeral feel normal and even funny, so mourning would've been easier, but this wasn't funny. This wasn't easy to handle. If only Wade wasn't around, then they didn't have to go on living with a life knowing that a decent guy like Bob was killed the way he did.

That's how many of them felt and thought, but they weren't upset to the point that they'd try to get revenge. Bob made his choices.

And as for Wade, wherever he was, who knows what was going on in his head right now.

THE END

WAIT! What the fuck?! I thought the writer liked Bob! Why the fuck did she kill him like that and put all the blame on Wade in the end.

Like I said, this was just a plot bunny, and there's actually this whole idea of making Wade go insane before bringing Bob back to life and getting their friendship back on track, but then she'd turn Bob into a woman to challenge Wade's perception of Bob, and really dig into the weird corners of their relationship before turning him back to male, and make things still remain complicated between them because things happened. But she didn't want to make a full-fledged Deadpool fic since she's not really into trying to know the Marvel comic universe. Same goes for DC, and other comics. That's why her other comic related fics are short.

Oh...I still hate this.

Someone else will, too, but they gotta remember that this is just a fanfic.

._._._.

A/N: I lowkey ship Bobpool, but I never actually want that kind of relationship to happen. I wanna see an alternate female Bob working with Wanda. I wanna see how Wade would act around her.

I DEMAND A FEMALE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE HYDRA BOB!


End file.
